This is how we fall apart// september 14th
We’ll meet in the park or in some old diner and I’ll have dark circles dripping from my eyes and my face drowning in a book and you’ll ask me about it and I’ll pretend that I like it and you’ll pretend you care and you’ll sit down with me and we’ll talk until 4 in the morning when I start falling asleep on your shoulder and you push me off because you still don’t know my last name and by now I’ll have told you about my first love when I was 15 and all the ways he made me cry but I’ll leave out the part about me drinking myself to sleep all of freshman year and you’ll have explained the little scar above your left eyebrow but never the one tumbling down your right wrist and we’ll decide that it’s time to go home and I’ll write my phone number down on your sweaty palm and the 2 in my area code will smudge and I’ll wonder if you’re ever going to call and you’ll kiss my cheek like we both know it will never be you on the other line of my phone.
This is how we fall apart// january 9th
You’re mine and I’m yours and I love you so much that I stop breathing on the nights you don’t come home. I’m on fire and you’re the water putting me out. And we fall asleep together now and you know all about that year in high school and I know how you got that scar and we kiss each other like if we don’t we’ll drown. and I’ll meet your parents and your mother will compliment my dress and then glance over to your father because she thinks it’s too short and you’ll kick me under the table and I’ll smile at you and your parents will roll their eyes when they think we aren’t looking and later that night you’ll slam the phone down because your mother called you crying and asking why you didn’t want to date that pretty girl from down the street who never tried to kill herself and you’ll kiss me before you fall asleep but not as hard as you usually do and I’ll pretend I can’t taste the hurt on either of us.
This is how we fall apart// June 21st
It’s hot out and I’m on fire again and your touch doesn’t put it out anymore. and you don’t always come home but I can’t even breathe on the nights you do. I can’t feel you. I can’t really feel anything. And you don’t care and I’m back to drinking and you’ve got new scars now and we’re both bleeding but we haven’t stopped fighting long enough to clean it up and your mother was right and you saw that girl from down the street last night and you didn’t kiss me when you got home but you never really kiss me anymore anyway. and I can’t stop shaking because I know that the next time I meet some tired boy in some rundown coffee shop I’ll be telling him about you instead of the boy I loved when I was 15. You’re it. You’re everything. And everything is falling apart.
This is how we fall apart// August 12th
We fell apart.